Building a Safety Net That Grows With Your Kids

Looking back, I gave my kids phones too young.

At the time, my reasoning made sense. I wanted to reach them. I wanted them to reach me. I wanted to know they made it to school, got on the right bus, and arrived where they were supposed to be.

The phone solved that problem. But it created some others.

Somewhere along the way, the phone stopped being something they carried and became part of them.

My kids are older now, so I can’t go back and change that decision. But with schools putting more restrictions on student cell-phone use, I understand why younger parents might be struggling with the same decision I made years ago:

How do I give my child a safety net without giving them a smartphone too early?

They Don’t Need the Phone Yet

At least not for the reason you think they do.

Part of the reason I gave my kids phones early was safety. Those concerns were legitimate. But if the primary reason you’re considering a phone for a young child is safety, stop for a minute and ask yourself:

“What safety capability am I actually trying to give them?”

Do I need to know that they made it to school? Do I need some indication that they got on the right bus? Do I want them to have a way to call for help? Do I need to communicate with them? Do I simply want some peace of mind while I’m at work?

Those are different problems, and today there are different ways to address them.

An AirTag might provide a breadcrumb. A GPS or SOS device might provide something different. A limited-function watch might provide communication. And some of the most important solutions don’t involve technology at all — a family password, a memorized phone number, knowing who to approach for help, knowing where to meet if you become separated, a practiced family plan.

We don’t necessarily have to solve one safety concern by giving a young child ten additional capabilities they may not be ready to manage.

That leads to a principle I’ve used throughout my career: redundancy. Don’t depend on one thing working perfectly. Have another option.

A Digital Breadcrumb

One inexpensive example is an Apple AirTag carried with the child — secured inside a backpack, placed in a pocket, or attached somewhere you’ve agreed on.

The child doesn’t need an iPhone for the AirTag itself to potentially update. AirTags use Apple’s Find My network, allowing nearby participating Apple devices to help relay location information.

But understand what an AirTag is — and what it isn’t. It isn’t continuous GPS. Updates aren’t guaranteed or necessarily immediate.

I don’t consider an AirTag a primary child-tracking system. I consider it a breadcrumb — one more piece of information if the normal plan doesn’t happen the way you expected.

I’m not replacing the primary system. I’m adding redundancy.

I Already Do This With My Luggage

I use the exact same principle when I fly. I put an AirTag in my suitcase.

The airline has its own baggage-tracking system. My AirTag doesn’t replace it — it gives me another independent source of information. When I’m sitting on the airplane, there’s some peace of mind in looking at my phone and seeing my suitcase is at the airport with me instead of the one I just left.

That’s redundancy. The airline’s system is primary. My AirTag is another breadcrumb. Same idea with our kids.

And I Still Use Redundancy With My Older Kids

My kids have iPhones now. But if we’re traveling, attending a large event, in an unfamiliar location, or somewhere that simply makes me a little uneasy, I may still have one of them clip an AirTag to a belt, slide one into a pocket, or carry one another way.

They know it’s there. That’s important. This isn’t covert tracking — we’re making a safety decision together.

Their phone is primary. The AirTag is secondary. The family plan is the foundation.

Phones die. They get lost. They get damaged. They get left behind. What happens if Plan A isn’t available?

It’s a Family Safety Tool, Not a Secret

Parents should also understand that Apple built anti-stalking protections into AirTags. They aren’t designed to be secret people-tracking devices — phones can alert someone when an unknown tracker appears to be moving with them, and AirTags can eventually make a sound when separated from their owner.

I think that’s a good thing. Don’t try to defeat those protections. Make the AirTag part of the family conversation:

“We’re giving you this as another safety tool. Keep it with you — in your backpack, pocket, or wherever we’ve agreed to carry it. If something doesn’t go according to plan, it may give us another way to help find you.”

The message isn’t “I’m tracking you.” It’s “We’re creating another way for us to find each other.” Safety should be something families do together.

Technology Is a Tool, Not the Plan

An AirTag is just one example. There are GPS trackers, child-focused watches, SOS devices, and other technologies that can provide different levels of location or communication without necessarily giving a young child a full smartphone.

I’m intentionally not going to tell you which one is best. Technology changes, and every family’s needs are different. Figure out what problem you’re trying to solve, research the options, and choose the simplest tool that solves it.

Because the device isn’t really the point. The point is having options. And sometimes the most important option doesn’t require any technology at all.

The Right Person May Not Be Standing There

Something happened to me recently that reinforced this.

I was flying out of San Francisco and had already checked my luggage when I realized my Leatherman Skeletool was still in my pocket — a $100 multitool with a knife, pliers, a screwdriver, and, let’s be honest, a little bit of a cool factor. Obviously it wasn’t going through TSA.

My first thought was: I’ll find a police officer and give it to them. So I started walking. I spent probably 20 minutes going around Terminal 2 looking for an officer. I saw a police car outside. I couldn’t find a police officer.

Eventually I found a mailing kiosk designed for travelers who’d done exactly what I’d done. I mailed the Leatherman home and went through security. Problem solved.

But afterward I thought about it. I’m an adult. I was in a major international airport. I was specifically looking for a police officer — and I couldn’t find one when I wanted one. That’s not criticism of the police. An officer could have been 30 seconds away, handling another call, or somewhere I simply couldn’t see.

The person we tell our kids to find may not be standing there when they need help.

“Find a police officer” is good advice. “Find your teacher” is good advice. But a frightened child shouldn’t wander through an airport, mall, stadium, or amusement park searching for a particular uniform. They need another option.

Teach Them How to Choose Help

This is where something Gavin de Becker wrote in Protecting the Gift has always stuck with me.

Instead of only teaching children “don’t talk to strangers,” teach a lost child how to choose someone to ask for help. De Becker recommends that a lost child approach a woman — not because every woman is safe or every man is dangerous, but because his reasoning is that a woman approached by a lost child is more likely to stay personally involved until that child is reunited with a parent. A man or father may very appropriately hand the child off to security or an employee and feel the child is now in good hands. Neither is necessarily wrong.

This is about giving a frightened young child a simple decision they can remember:

“Stop. Look for a mom with kids. Tell her, ‘I can’t find my mom or dad.’”

Police officer standing there? Absolutely go to the officer. Teacher nearby? Great. Security officer available? Great. But if none of them is around, the child still has a plan. That’s what matters.

Some of the Best Safety Tools Don’t Need Batteries

Technology should support the family plan. It should never become the family plan.

A family password can help with an unexpected pickup. Emergency contact information can stay in a backpack or pocket. As soon as they’re capable, children can memorize a parent’s phone number and learn who to approach for help. Families can establish a meeting place — and that last one isn’t just for kids.

I Still Do This With My Wife

If my wife and I are somewhere with a large crowd and we’re going separate directions — even if we’re just using different restrooms — I’ll get her attention, point to a specific location and say:

“We’ll meet right here.”

I don’t just say it as we’re walking away. I point to something we can both visually identify. I look at her. She acknowledges it. Then we go our separate ways. It takes about five seconds.

Some people might call that paranoid. I call it preparation.

If our phones die, cellular service is overwhelmed, one of us gets turned around, or something unexpected happens, we’ve already answered one question: where are we going to find each other?

The people who sit around my dining-room table are the most important people in the world to me. I’ll do whatever’s reasonably necessary to help keep them safe. That doesn’t mean we live afraid — we travel, we go places, we walk through crowded airports, we attend large events, we enjoy ourselves. But if I can take five seconds to create another option if something goes wrong, I’ll take the five seconds.

Preparation isn’t paranoia. Paranoia keeps you from living because you’re consumed by what might happen. Preparation recognizes that something could happen, takes a reasonable step to address it, and then gets on with living. There’s a big difference.

As They Get Older, the Plan Changes

This is the other half of the title. The goal isn’t to track our kids forever.

When they’re young, we make most of the safety decisions. As they grow, we explain why. As they mature, we make those decisions together. Eventually, they’re making the decisions without us.

That’s why my older kids know when they’re carrying an AirTag. They’re part of the plan now. And eventually, the goal isn’t for my kids to depend on my safety plan — it’s for them to know how to build their own.

Train to Protect. Live in Peace.

My Christian faith is part of how I approach this. Proverbs 27:12 speaks about the prudent recognizing danger and taking action. I don’t read that as a reason to fear everything that could happen. I see it as a call to prepare.

See the potential problem. Prepare for it. Then live your life.

That’s what Train to Protect. Live in Peace. means to me. The preparation isn’t the destination. Peace is.

Protect them when they’re young. Teach them as they grow. Include them as they mature. And eventually prepare them to make good decisions without us — because preparation shouldn’t imprison the people we love. It should give them the confidence and freedom to live.

 

About the Author

Troy A. Blades is President of Safe & Secure Enterprises, Inc. (SSEI), a Maryland-based security consulting and training firm founded in 2002. His work is grounded in decades of real-world security operations and focuses on prevention, presence, protection, de-escalation, threat management, training, and building security programs that work when they’re needed.

As a father of older children, Troy also writes about practical family safety through the lens of experience — including some decisions he’d make differently today.

His approach is simple: Build layers. Create options. Teach people what to do.

Train to Protect. Live in Peace.

Want to talk through a safety plan for your family, school, or organization? Contact SSEI to start the conversation.

Safe & Secure Enterprises, Inc. | Version 1 | Train to Protect. Live in Peace.